Building Confidence and Resilience in Youth

What This Generation Really Needs—and What Too Often Goes Missing

I’ve spent decades working with young people—in classrooms, at camps, on athletic fields, and in quiet one-on-one conversations that never make it onto social media. And if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s this: confidence and resilience don’t develop by accident. They’re built—or eroded—by the environments adults create.

That’s why my recent conversation on the Generation Youth Podcast with Kaz Langness stuck with me. Kaz works with youth and college athletes across the country, and our discussion wasn’t about motivation hacks or performance tricks. It was about the deeper issue underneath so many struggles we see today—young people who no longer trust themselves.

Why Confidence Is Fading Earlier Than We Realize

One of the first things Kaz pointed out is something I’ve seen repeatedly: young kids start out believing they can do hard things. They raise their hands. They take risks. They try again after failing.

Then, over time, something changes.

External pressure replaces internal belief. Fear of getting it wrong starts to outweigh curiosity. Somewhere along the way, kids stop asking, What can I learn? and start asking, What if I fail?

That shift doesn’t happen overnight. It happens through accumulated moments—criticism without encouragement, expectations without support, comparison without context.

The Damage of Highlight-Reel Living

We can’t ignore the role social media plays in this erosion of confidence.

Kaz named it plainly: young people are surrounded by highlight reels. Wins get posted. Struggles don’t. Effort disappears. Failure becomes invisible.

When kids never see the process behind success, they assume they’re the only ones struggling. That belief quietly convinces them that failure means they don’t belong.

Over time, this creates what Kaz described as a “failure-first” mindset—if I might fail, I won’t try at all.

That mindset doesn’t protect kids. It paralyzes them.

Encouragement Isn’t Extra—It’s Essential

One of the most powerful parts of our conversation was sharing stories of coaches who changed our trajectories—not with speeches, but with belief.

Kaz talked about being cut from his basketball team in seventh grade. A year later, a coach pushed him harder than anyone else—not because he was disappointed, but because he saw potential. The message was clear: You’re worth investing in.

I shared a similar experience. A coach who, after a mistake, chose encouragement instead of embarrassment. No public correction. No shame. Just belief.

Those moments stay with kids far longer than criticism ever does.

Encouragement isn’t about lowering standards. It’s about raising confidence so kids are willing to meet them.

Fear Is Normal. Lack of Confidence Is Not.

Another distinction Kaz articulated well—and one I wish more adults understood—is the difference between fear and a lack of confidence.

Fear shows up before a test, a performance, or a difficult conversation. That’s human.

Lack of confidence is deeper. It’s the belief that you shouldn’t even try.

You can often see it before you hear it. Slumped posture. Avoidance. Eyes that no longer light up.

The solution isn’t pressure. It’s presence.

Consistency. Attention. Adults who show up repeatedly and prove they’re not leaving when things get hard.

Where Real Confidence Begins

When I asked Kaz where internal confidence actually starts, his answer was simple and accurate:

Be yourself.

So many young people are trying to perform a version of themselves they think will be accepted—by peers, adults, coaches, or online audiences. That constant self-editing creates anxiety and exhaustion.

Confidence grows when kids understand who they are, not who they’re trying to impress.

The more grounded a young person is internally, the more resilient they become externally.

What This Means for Adults Who Care

This conversation reinforced something I’ve learned the hard way over the years: we don’t build confident kids by protecting them from failure or pressuring them into success.

We build confident kids by:

• Letting them try

• Letting them fail

• Staying present

• Speaking belief consistently

• Modeling authenticity ourselves

Encouragement, space to grow, and adults who see potential before kids see it in themselves—those are not small things. They are foundational.

If we want resilient young people, we have to be willing to create environments where growth matters more than perfection.

That work doesn’t go viral. But it lasts.