Parenting in the Age of the Pocket Supercomputer

I’ve worked with teenagers long enough to know this: something shifted about 15 years ago.

Not slowly. Not subtly. Dramatically.

On a recent episode of the Generation Youth Podcast, I sat down with Kathy Van Benthuysen, a fourth-grade teacher for 30 years. She shared one observation that stopped me cold.

Early in her career, every child could look her in the eye and respond when greeted.

By her final year?

One.

That’s not personality. That’s environment.

And the environment changed.

We Didn’t Grow Up With This

Parents today are navigating something our parents never faced.

You can’t ask your mom how she handled Instagram comparison.
You can’t ask your dad how he managed group chat drama at midnight.

There were no algorithms curating insecurity. No dopamine loops engineered by billion-dollar companies. Just a TV with an off button.

Today’s devices are not passive. They are designed to hold attention. They study behavior. They feed more of what keeps you scrolling.

That’s not conspiracy talk. That’s business strategy.

And the ones holding these devices?

Children.

The Mental Health Reality

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 57% of teen girls reported persistent sadness or hopelessness between 2011 and 2021.

That decade also happens to be the rise of smartphones and social media in young hands.

I’m not saying every struggle traces back to a screen. Life is more complex than that.

But when sadness rises alongside screen saturation, responsible adults ask questions.

This Is About Formation

In my research with over 2,500 teens, the most common struggle isn’t grades.

It’s identity.

Who am I?
Where do I belong?
Do I matter?

Now place that fragile question inside a world of filters, likes, and constant comparison.

That’s not neutral.

If five hours a day is spent in a digital ecosystem, that ecosystem is shaping beliefs about beauty, success, and worth.

Whether we like it or not.

So What Do We Do?

Kathy’s advice is refreshingly practical.

Delay devices as long as possible.
Kids won’t fall behind technologically. They catch up fast. Emotional maturity takes longer.

Let them be bored.
Boredom builds creativity. Every moment does not need a glowing rectangle.

Model restraint.
We can’t preach limits while scrolling through dinner.

This isn’t anti-technology. I use tech every day. I run a digital business.

But powerful tools require boundaries.

We delay car keys.
We delay alcohol.
We delay voting.

Why would unlimited internet access be the one thing that requires zero maturity?

Coaching, Not Policing

What I appreciated most about my conversation with Kathy is this: she isn’t preaching panic.

She’s encouraging preparation.

Conversations before the first phone. Expectations before the first app. Emotional tools before the first comparison spiral.

That’s wisdom.

Parenting in 2026 requires intention. It requires saying, “Just because everyone has it doesn’t mean we have to.”

That takes courage.

But here’s what I know after decades with teenagers:

When adults lead clearly and consistently, kids thrive.

Not perfectly.

But healthily.

Technology isn’t going away.

Strong families don’t have to either.