🎶 Lessons from the Choir Room: What I’m Learning About Today’s Girls By: Melissa McLamb

After 28 years away from the classroom, stepping back in as a choral teacher—and mom—has opened my eyes to how much today’s girls have changed…and how much they still need us.

🎵 A New Season, a Familiar Song

Life has a beautiful way of bringing things full circle.

After 28 years, I’ve found myself back in the classroom—this time stepping in for a 12-week maternity leave as the middle and high school choral teacher at my daughter’s school. It’s been a whirlwind of warm-ups, concert prep, teenage energy, and yes… a whole lot of reflection.

I’ve spent years leading girls in worship ensembles, coaching cheer, and mentoring young women. But this season—standing in front of both middle and high schoolers every day—has given me a fresh perspective on today’s teens, especially the girls.

As a mom of two girls—one 25 and one 15—I see this both as an educator and a parent. And halfway through this adventure, I’ve made some heartfelt (and sometimes hard-earned) observations I can’t help but share.

💬 1. Girls need more encouragement than ever before

When I led a girls’ worship ensemble years ago, encouragement was a bonus—it lifted their spirits, but most still had a natural confidence underneath.
Today, encouragement feels more like oxygen.

These girls crave affirmation not because they’re vain, but because they’re unsure. Between the endless scroll of comparison on social media and the constant pressure to “be enough,” many are carrying silent insecurity behind polished smiles.

They don’t just want to know they did well—they need to hear it, feel it, and believe it.
A simple “I’m proud of you” or “You belong here” can light up their entire day.

“The right encouragement at the right time can become the soundtrack that plays in their minds long after the final bell.”

As teachers, parents, and mentors, our words matter more than we realize.

🪞 2. They’re super sensitive—and that’s not a bad thing

It’s true. Today’s girls are tenderhearted.

They process tone, body language, and every word down to the syllable. At first, it can feel exhausting to measure every phrase, but then I realized—this isn’t weakness. It’s awareness.

They live in a world that’s loud, fast, and often unkind. So when someone speaks to them with care, they notice. When someone speaks without it, they feel it deeply.

This sensitivity can make classroom management a tightrope walk, but it’s also what gives this generation a powerful capacity for empathy. When that compassion is guided well, they become incredible encouragers, leaders, and friends.

🗣️ 3. Words matter more than ever

I’ve learned to choose my words like a lyricist. They hear everything.

Say something halfway critical, and they’ll hold on to it for days. Say something sincere, and you’ll see it replay in their smile all week.

They’re literal thinkers living in an emotionally loaded world. What we say must line up with what we mean.
They need consistency—the kind that builds trust, not confusion.

It reminds me daily that influence isn’t found in authority; it’s found in authenticity.

🤝 4. They need to know you’re in their corner

This generation doesn’t automatically trust adults—and honestly, I don’t blame them.

They’ve watched leaders fail, institutions wobble, and relationships fracture. So when you step into their world, you have to prove you’re safe.

Once they believe you’re genuinely for them—not just grading them or managing them—they open up. They laugh. They work harder. They start to bloom.

Every “How are you really doing?” conversation matters. Every high-five, every name remembered, every small act of care—it’s the bridge to their heart.

🚦 5. Authority feels optional for some

This one surprised me the most.

A small number of girls I’ve taught seem to believe the rules are flexible—suggestions more than boundaries. When asked to follow directions, a few push back not out of rebellion, but almost as a test: Will you still care about me if I challenge you?

It’s a fascinating tension. They long for freedom but secretly crave structure. They want to be heard, but they also need to be led.

And I’ve learned that firmness wrapped in kindness works best. Clear expectations, delivered with respect, create the balance they actually want—even if they don’t know it.

🌸 The Song Remains the Same

Stepping into this temporary role has reminded me of something beautiful: beneath the insecurities, sensitivities, and occasional defiance, these girls are still the same at heart.

They want to be seen.
They want to be loved.
They want to know their voice matters.

And while the world around them has changed dramatically in 30 years, the need for connection, compassion, and consistency hasn’t.

So, as I stand before my choir each day, baton in hand and heart wide open, I’m reminded: the notes may change, but the song—the desire to be known and valued—remains the same.

And maybe, just maybe, I needed this season as much as they needed me. 🎵💖

💕 About Melissa McLamb

Melissa McLamb is a youth life coach for girls, helping them build confidence, strengthen faith, and discover their unique voice in a noisy world. Drawing from her decades of experience as a teacher, worship leader, and mentor, Melissa equips girls to navigate challenges with courage, character, and grace.

✨ Learn more about her coaching and mentoring opportunities at https://melissamclamb.com/