Helping Young People Feel Seen: Reflections with Lisa Costa

A teenager can spend an entire day surrounded by people and still wonder whether anybody really notices them. That thought has stayed with me as I have considered my conversation with Lisa Costa on The Generation Youth Podcast. We adults can be close enough to keep track of a young person’s schedule and still miss how that young person feels about their place in the world.

Lisa’s background includes teaching and student leadership, and her work through Shift 76 focuses on helping people recognize their potential. Our conversation centered on young people feeling unseen and the difference a caring adult can make. It is a subject that asks something of me personally, because I can believe deeply in encouraging youth and still hurry through an opportunity to do it.

Close Enough to Notice

As a parent, I understand how easily the practical business of raising teenagers takes over. There is always something that needs an answer, preferably before somebody leaves the driveway. Keeping everybody moving can consume a surprising amount of the time we thought we would spend enjoying them.

I need reminders to look beyond whether everything is getting done. Knowing that an assignment was turned in tells me something about schoolwork. It tells me very little about whether my child felt welcome at the lunch table.

That does not mean every afternoon needs an emotional inspection. Most teenagers would rather help unload the dishwasher than sit through a surprise meeting about their feelings, and that is saying something. I would rather leave room for a conversation while we are already together, then pay attention when it begins.

Sometimes my first responsibility is to let a young person finish explaining what matters to them. The temptation to offer wisdom can arrive well before I have enough information to make it useful. I can begin by asking about something they mentioned yesterday. Remembering gives me somewhere useful to start.

What Gets Our Attention

Lisa’s emphasis on feeling valued also makes me think about what earns a response from adults. Accomplishment is easy to notice. A good grade gives us something definite to celebrate, and a winning score practically writes the conversation for us.

I am glad we celebrate those things. I also wonder how often a young person hears from us when there is nothing impressive to report. A teenager should not have to produce an achievement to discover that we are interested.

For those of us working with youth, that means considering who regularly receives our attention. The student who volunteers an answer is easy to engage. Someone sitting quietly nearby may need an invitation that leaves them free to respond without suddenly becoming the center of the room.

I want my encouragement to show that I have paid attention. When I notice a young person making room for someone else, I can acknowledge what they did. Specific encouragement gives them a reason to believe that my words belong to them, rather than to whoever happened to be standing there.

Leaving Room for Their Voice

The episode also connects feeling valued with belonging and purpose. That connection matters in our work at Generation Youth, where helping young people understand themselves is part of helping them move forward.

I cannot hand a teenager a sense of purpose by explaining what I think their future ought to look like. I can help them explore what interests them and give them opportunities to contribute. Then I need to take their contribution seriously enough to let it matter.

That requires some patience with an unfinished answer. Young people are still learning what they have to offer, and adults can close a conversation by being too quick to complete the thought for them.

I keep returning to the young person whose day has been full of people but short on connection. Before I worry about finding something memorable to say, I can give them enough attention to hear what they are saying. I would like them to leave that conversation knowing I was glad they were there.

Watch my conversation with Lisa Costa on The Generation Youth Podcast.