The Power of Questions: How Parents Can Connect With Their Teens

If you’ve ever sat across from your teenager at the dinner table and felt like you were pulling teeth just trying to get more than a one-word answer, you’re not alone. Every parent wants to connect, but too often the conversations stay stuck at:

“How was school?”
“Fine.”
“What did you do today?”
“Nothing.”

That cycle can be discouraging. But here’s the truth: meaningful conversations with teens aren’t out of reach. Sometimes, the key is learning to ask better questions.

Why Questions Matter

At the heart of every strong relationship is curiosity. When we ask questions—not just the routine ones but thoughtful, open-ended ones—we send a powerful message to our teens: You matter. I care what you think. Your experiences are important to me.

Teens live in a world where their voices are often drowned out. They’re told what to do by teachers, pressured by peers, and bombarded by social media. When parents choose to ask and listen instead of simply telling, it cuts through the noise. It builds trust. It gives teens a safe space to share what’s really going on inside.

And here’s the bonus: questions help parents see beyond surface behavior. Instead of just reacting to a slammed door or an eye roll, the right question can uncover the emotion behind it. Anger might actually be stress. Silence might actually be sadness. When you ask, you learn.

The Right Kind of Questions

Not all questions are created equal. The way you ask makes all the difference.

• Avoid interrogation mode. A rapid-fire series of questions—“Who were you with? Where were you? Why didn’t you text me back?”—puts teens on the defensive. That’s not connection; that’s cross-examination.

• Lean into curiosity. Swap “yes or no” questions for open-ended ones. Instead of “Did you have a good day?” try “What was the best part of your day?”

• Keep it specific. Big, vague questions like “What’s on your mind?” can feel overwhelming. Narrowing the focus helps: “What’s one thing that made you smile today?”

• Mix serious with lighthearted. Not every question has to carry emotional weight. Some of the best conversations start with playful questions like, “If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?”

Stories That Stick

I’ll never forget a dad I worked with who felt disconnected from his 15-year-old son. He’d try to talk, but the wall between them seemed to grow higher. One night, instead of asking the usual “How was practice?” he asked, “What’s one thing you wish your coach knew about you?”

That single question cracked the door open. His son paused, then admitted he wished his coach would see how hard he worked even when he wasn’t the fastest kid on the team. That moment shifted everything. The dad realized his son didn’t need pep talks; he needed affirmation that his effort mattered.

One thoughtful question reframed their entire relationship.

Application: Putting It Into Practice

Here’s how you can start using the power of questions to connect with your teen this week:

1. Pick a time that feels natural. Car rides, cooking dinner, or late-night snack runs often open the door for conversation more than a formal sit-down.

2. Choose one intentional question per day. Don’t overwhelm them. Just one. Think of it as planting seeds.

   • Monday: “What’s one thing that made you laugh today?”

   • Tuesday: “What’s something you’re looking forward to this week?”

   • Wednesday: “Who’s someone at school you admire, and why?”

   • Thursday: “What’s the hardest part about being a teenager right now?”

   • Friday: “If you could give advice to a younger student, what would it be?”

3. Listen more than you talk. This is harder than it sounds! When your teen answers, resist the urge to jump in with advice or corrections. Just listen. Nod. Ask follow-up questions.

4. Affirm what you hear. End the conversation with encouragement: “I love hearing your perspective,” or “Thanks for sharing that with me.” Small words of affirmation go a long way.

The Bigger Picture

Questions may seem small, but they’re actually bridges. Every time you ask, you’re building a bridge between your world and your teen’s. And bridges matter—especially in seasons when your teen may be tempted to pull away.

As parents, we don’t need to have all the answers. What our teens need most is for us to create space for their answers. By asking the right questions, we invite them into deeper connection, we learn what truly matters to them, and we show them that their voice carries weight in our family.

So here’s my challenge: start today. Ask one intentional question, and then let the conversation take you where it will. You may be surprised at how much power one simple question holds.