Get Off the Confidence Rollercoaster: Empowering Youth to Build Unshakable Self-Belief

How intentional strategies and mindful modeling can break the cycle of fragile confidence in the next generation

Confidence is the game-changer. It’s the fuel that unlocks potential, sparks action, and grows leaders. But here’s the problem—too many young people (and honestly, adults too) treat confidence like a rollercoaster ride. One day it’s sky-high after a win or compliment, the next day it plummets after a setback or negative comment.

At our Igniting the Next Generation Virtual Summit, my friend Tami Matheny shared powerful strategies on why confidence doesn’t have to be fickle—and how to build it as a lasting, learnable skill. What she taught has stuck with me, and I think it’s something every parent, teacher, coach, and mentor needs to hear.

The Gift Card and the Emergency Brake

Tami began with a story that hit me hard. She found a high-value gift card that sat unused in her drawer for years. It had plenty of worth but created zero impact because it wasn’t used.

That’s how so many of our youth live—full of untapped value, but stalled by doubt and hesitation.

She connected it to the story of Jim and his sports car—a machine built for speed, but one he kept trying to drive with the emergency brake on. Just like the gift card, potential means little if it’s never acted on. And the barrier holding both back? Confidence.

The Real Reason Behind Inaction

We often assume kids (or even ourselves) don’t succeed because of laziness or lack of effort. But Tami pointed out the deeper truth: the root is often shaky confidence.

Think about it—how many times have we told kids, “Just believe in yourself”? But as one of Tami’s athletes once said to her, “It’s not like I’m not trying to be confident. I just don’t know how.”

That changes the whole perspective. It’s not a lack of desire; it’s a lack of tools.

Confidence Is a Skill We Can Teach

Here’s the part I love—confidence isn’t just a personality trait you’re born with. It’s a skill that can be developed. Tami laid out four areas we can intentionally practice with our youth:

1. Self-Talk: Reframe the Narrative
The words we say to ourselves matter. Tami recommends a simple exercise: at the end of the day, write down one negative thought and then reframe it with a positive or productive response. Imagine the impact if we practiced this consistently with our teens.

2. Body Language: Walk the Walk
Our posture and expressions send signals to our brain. Slumped shoulders say “defeated.” Standing tall says “capable.” Teach young people to carry themselves with confidence, even before they feel it.

3. Visualization: See It Before You Do It
If kids can’t imagine themselves succeeding, they’ll struggle to get there. Encourage them to picture what the “confident me” looks like—how they respond, how they bounce back, how they lead.

4. Preparation: Earn the Confidence
Confidence grows when we put in the work. Reps, study, practice—whatever the arena, preparation feeds self-belief. It’s not just about teaching skills; it’s about training resilience.

Our Role as Parents, Teachers, and Coaches

Here’s where it gets personal. Tami reminded us that youth are watching us more than they’re listening to us. How we respond to setbacks, frustrations, and even small inconveniences—those are the lessons they absorb.

If we roll our eyes, complain, or react negatively after a mistake, they see it. If we encourage, stay calm, or keep a neutral “poker face,” they see that too.

And let’s talk about language. Phrases like “Don’t be nervous” or “Don’t mess this up” only plant more fear. Instead, flip the script: “Stay focused,” “Take your best swing,” “You’ve got this.” Specific, positive direction builds trust and calm.

Celebrate the Right Things

If there’s one practical shift we can all make starting today, it’s this: stop tying confidence only to results.

When we only celebrate wins, grades, or outcomes, kids start basing their self-worth on things they can’t fully control. Instead, praise effort, persistence, and courage. Highlight the risk they took, the hard work they put in, or the grit they showed in bouncing back.

That’s how confidence becomes durable.

Breaking the Cycle

At the end of the day, confidence isn’t a rollercoaster we’re stuck riding—it’s a foundation we can build, brick by brick. But it takes us, as adults, being intentional about the words we use, the way we model, and the lessons we reinforce.

Tami’s gift card story reminded me: potential unused is wasted. Our job is to help youth release the emergency brake and step into the full speed of their calling.

Let’s commit to raising a generation whose confidence isn’t fragile, but unshakable.

👉 If you want to dive deeper, I encourage you to check out Tami’s work at The Confident Athlete. She’s equipping parents, coaches, and leaders with practical tools to build steady, lasting confidence in kids—and I believe it can make a lifelong difference.